Dear Friend,

One of the lessons I've learned is that honesty and openess pave the way for God to reveal his kindness to us. Vulnerability invites others to share our sorrows and deepen our relationships. It's ironic that it's not the good times but the bad that strengthens bonds.

Had she survived her birth, Anabelle would have had to undergo 3 major surgeries within the first few months of her life. We can only imagine what our life and hers would have been like. Sitting on this side of things, I would trade almost anything to have her - even with all the challenges.

Whatever you're feeling or questioning, it's normal. Have a lot of grace for yourself. The unthinkable has happened. You're going to be in shock for a while.

Lily still prays for the moms who are pregnant to have healthy babies. She has a special place in her heart for babies and prays for the sick and poor every night. I never thought I would be in this place where I am now, sharing the things with you that I am. All the credit goes to God. In the midst of our tragedy, he showered us with kindness through our family, friends, neighbors, even strangers. Our suffering taught us how to praise God even when times are bad. Actually, things went from bad to worse. After Anabelle died, my grandmothers had a heart-attack and 4 strokes, I was in a car accident, and all work dried up for Dave and me (we were self-employed). Honestly, I just wanted to die. The burden was too great. I don't even know how we survived. We were on our knees, face downcast, crying and praying. I clung even tighter to those two scriptures from Psalms. And God did deliver us from our troubles. He does save those who are crushed in spirit.

We are by no means worry-free. We have the same troubles most American families are facing during these difficult times. And we still have to pray and cry and depend on God. We don't always make the right choices. We don't always pray. I get angry and disgruntled. I sometimes feel, "why me." But then I always remember that mine is not the worst situation. There is so much suffering going on around the world and I have to pray to make a difference. There is so much more to this short life.

Keep in mind, it's been two years since my baby died. I'm still grieving. Many tears are still shed. I am still learning the lessons. The pain hasn't stopped. It's still deep. But, I don't feel as though I will shatter into a million pieces. That's progress, right?

Blessings to your family.
Chris