A close friend has put me in contact with a mother who is grieving the death of her 3 month old son. My heart breaks for their terrible loss. Writing to her, has allowed me to comfort her. It's healing to be able to do that. Following is my letter to her.

Dear Friend,

In response to your request about what helped me to grieve and heal, there are so many different things. Each situation is unique and different things will be helpful to you and your family. My only suggestion is open your heart to wherever God wants to lead you. For me, that meant sometimes just sitting silent, with my eyes closed and hands in an open position, receiving God's grace and whatever else he had for me. I believe it was during those times that the Holy Spirit intervened for me with prayers and petitions that I didn't know how to
express.

Anabelle died during labor almost 2 years ago. My placenta abrupted before she was born. Even though I delivered her 45 minutes after my water broke, we don't know how long she was deprived of oxygen. The pain and grief we went through was overwhelming. I didn't know how I would survive her death. Our oldest, Lily, was 4 1/2 yrs. old at the time and she suffered the loss as well. She had been praying for a baby sister for 2 years. She was just heart-broken. There were many tears. We didn't hide our grief from Lily but allowed her to openly express her grief, too. We still talk about Anabelle and we still miss her tremendously. It's comforting to know that she's in heaven, but it would have been wonderful to know her here on earth.

"Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah Davis was helpful. OurBradley instructor gave the book to me and I found it very helpful. Also, I clung to these two Pslams, especially the verses listed below.

Psalm 31 & 34

Psalm 31:14-15
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."
My times are in your hand;

Psalm 34:17-18
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out
of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Honestly, I prayed alot, cried even more and blogged or wrote in my journal when I could. I was surrounded by wonderful friends who were a safe haven for me to talk about what I was going through as much as I needed to. Or to not talk about it.

Another baby will never replace the one you lost, just as your love for your other children cannot replace your love for him.

At the time, I did not think I wanted any more children. I couldn't bear the thought. I was too afraid of losing another baby. My sister didn't comment either way about whether or not we should have more children, she just encouraged us to make decisions out of love and not
fear. My best friend also encouraged us to reach out for joy in whatever way God was giving it to us. Almost a year later, I was pregnant with Kate. She has been such a joy and a blessing to our family. We love her deeply but she will never replace Anabelle. We still talk about Anabelle. Lily and I imagine what she must be doing in heaven. She would have been two so maybe she is two in heaven.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers. If you need to talk please know that I'm here.

Love,
Chris